How to Support Cancer Patients & Their Families
One of the most important things you can do for someone who’s been diagnosed with cancer is show your support for them.
But how?
It’s common for family/friends to say “let me know what I can do,” but you don’t hear back from your loved one. It may be; they are overwhelmed, they don’t want to bother anyone, they feel they can handle it, they don’t want to ask for help, they may not know what kind of support they really need.
Instead of asking what they need, come with a list of tasks you are good at (cooking, cleaning, listening, grocery shopping, laundry, etc.) and offer that kind of support.
The patient is overwhelmed, so thinking of what they need is far from their mind, it may add to the overwhelm. The caregiver is focusing on their loved one; they may have more insight into what type of support is needed.
6 Ways to Support Cancer Patients & Their Families
Have the house cleaned.
This was one of the BEST things my family did for us when my husband and I were going through his cancer journey. Walking into our home after a long day of treatment and unexpected appointments to find the house clean and tidied up left me emotional with gratitude and relief. This simple act was HUGE as I didn’t have the mental capacity or energy to even think about cleaning the house. Not only was it a one time cleaning, my extended family heard the positive impact it left. They put resources together and hired the house cleaning for the next two months.
Maybe you don’t need to hire a house cleaner, there may be someone in the support network who loves to clean. Offer cleaning services as a gift and ask what day/time is convenient for the individual’s involved. There may be pushback as it’s often difficult to receive these gifts. Share these services in the most loving way as a non negotiable.
Did you know there is a national program that provides housecleaning services to those going through cancer? It’s called Cleaning for a Reason. Check it out https://cleaningforareason.org
Prepare (healthy) meals.
Meals are a popular offering when friends don’t know what else to do. Helping out with meals takes the burden off both the patient and caregiver having to grocery shop and cook. When going through treatment healthy foods help fuel the body and aid in the healing process. This is not only true for the cancer patient but the caregiver and family who are also experiencing the stress related to the situation. It’s easy for friends and family to throw together a casserole and sweet dessert, however that choice of food may not be the best option. The mentality that what you eat doesn’t matter, just get the calories in is not 100% accurate. Have you heard the line ‘food is medicine’? Healthy food is indeed medicine for the body and mind, especially during stressful times. Using plant based foods and avoiding processed foods with chemicals offers an incredible gift.
Offer a healthy meal to those going through cancer, provide recipe options and days of the week for delivery. In addition, offering to do the grocery shopping is another gift in itself so they have whole foods on hand for meals or snacks.
Provide Time Off.
Families with small children may appreciate having some time to themselves. Taking the children to a movie, the library, the zoo, etc. for a day or a few hours helps those going through treatment and the children themselves. These activities offer children some normalcy and provide distraction from the heaviness in the home. Offer to pick the children up from school one day a week or even take them for a weekend.
Fold the clothes.
Laundry is far from the mind during stressful times, however a necessary task. Offering to do the laundry on a regular basis can take some of the extra burden off the family. Suggest specific days and times so the family doesn’t have to plan and arrange the activity for you. Have a brief conversation about how the laundry is done at their house, what the washer/dryer settings are, and any specific folding techniques. (This may sound petty however it will help when the family puts the laundry away - sometimes the small things can be the big things)
Provide Caregiver time off.
It can be exhausting to be the primary support for someone who has cancer. Plan a day to take over the caregiver role. The caregiver has unique cares and worries that are different from the patient. Offer them a self-care day with a massage, a walk, a day of shopping, or just a day of complete rest. Promoting self care will protect the caregiver from burnout.
Reach out.
Checking in with a text or a quick phone call can have a positive impact on the patient and caregiver. When friends don’t know what to say or do, they tend to go silent. That can leave behind additional isolation and loneliness when someone needs support the most.
A simple “Hello, thinking of you” can make a hard day a little brighter for anyone going through a cancer journey. Being mindful to ask if it is a good time to chat and honoring the response. If the time isn’t right, simply let them know they are on your mind or leave a short voice message.
You could also send snail mail. It’s always nice to get something in the mail. Send a card or quick note offering support and kind words may put a little extra sunshine in someone's cloudy day!
Individuals going through a cancer experience may not want help, but they need it! The smallest gestures can make a big difference. Offer to be the person who organizes the support of others and works closely with the family for arrangements. Take on the role of giving people those specific jobs.
Asking for help or accepting help can be stressful and overwhelming.
**A note to the one going through cancer; family and friends want to help, don’t deny their help as it brings them joy to support a loved one going through a tough time.